Tonight, I went for a run. I hate running.
So why would I do something I hate? Because I had to disconnect for a while, to reflect on all of the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my brain today.
Ever been there?
In this particular case, I keep coming back to the question, “What am I going to do with my life?”
Like most people, this question terrifies me to know end. What if I spend my life climbing a mountain only to discover in the end that I was climbing the wrong mountain? What if I climb the right mountain but fail halfway up, never reaching the summit?
The “what ifs” are endless.
In many ways, I find myself in the same spot that I was in six years ago when I was broke, borderline depressed, and living like a troll in a basement. The difference this time around is that I’m not broke, I’m not depressed, and I’m living in one of Chicago’s best neighborhoods. Still, the question of what I’m going to do with my life haunts me to no end.
“What am I going to do?” I ask myself.
On the surface, people seem to think that I have it together, that I have it all planned out. I live strategically but can’t for the life of me tell you where I am going or, more importantly, why I am going there.
The truth is that none of us know where we are going. We’re all guessing. No one is certain about anything. Everyone’s insecure.
So what are you supposed to do? Just keep swimming.
If you’ve seen Finding Nemo, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, I’ll explain briefly.
Finding Nemo is a movie about a fish named Nemo who gets lost in the ocean. Along the way, he meets a variety of characters including Dori, a wise idiot if there ever was one.
In one scene, Nemo is particularly downtrodden because of his situation. (I have to admit that I’d be scared shitless if I was lost in the middle of the ocean.) Dori, sensing Nemo’s dismay, tells him to just keep swimming.
“Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.”
I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but you’re going to have countless highs and lows in life. Good days and bad days. You’ll swing wildly from side to side sometimes and feel like giving up. Then, you’ll be on cloud nine. Then, down in the dumps.
Up. Down. Up. Down.
You could spend your time wishing that things were different, hoping that things change, longing for something better. Or you can take what you’ve got and just keep swimming.
After all, it’s only by swimming that you’ll get . . . anywhere.
John,
I really enjoyed this post. I feel like I’ve been at points in my life as well, where the keep swimming philosophy works. I do think, however, that its important to calibrate and make sure you are swimming in the right direction. Money helps us feel a bit more comfortable, but ultimately we have to incorporate activities that fulfill us or make us feel good about our existence.
Your post was thought provoking, thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the compliment, Aasem. You’re exactly right about swimming in the right direction. Sometimes, the only way to know that you are swimming in the wrong direction is to just keep swimming in that direction until you know for sure that it’s wrong. That’s what happened to me as a professional musician. I pursued music until my mid-twenties, finally realizing that being a professional musician was not what I wanted. Now, I feel more fulfilled by a huge margin. The money helps, too.
I always find myself thinking during and after reading your blog. This one especially. Thanks for them and keep them up.
Thanks, Chris! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Honestly, I’ve been struggling lately to figure out what my blog is actually about. Perhaps it’s enough to be thought provoking.
It’s so nice to see that I’m not alone. I thought that growing up would give me all of the answers. It just seems to open up more questions.
Oh, you’re certainly not alone. I’ve been struggling to find the answers for years. The big problem is that “the answers” don’t exist. Instead of looking for the answers, look for your answers. At the end of the day, your life is yours and no one else’s. So you need to find answers that resonate with you.
The fact that you continue looking for your own answers is a good thing. Yes, it’s extraordinarily frustrating to look for them. You’ll invariably come to dead ends, forks in the road, and more. However, you’ll never get to where you want to go if you stand still.